Finals

I can't believe that finals are already coming upon us! This first semester just flew by! As of Thursday afternoon, I will be finished with two classes. What a mental relief that will be. It really has been a great semester. I just can't get over how fast it has gone by. It has made me realize that graduation will be here soon and then I'll be looking for a job! But, as for now, I'm just going to enjoy this winter break and take one day at a time.

Work is going good! It's been crazy busy! Beginning to like it more and more. I really like the people that I work with and that makes going to work so much better.

Looking forward a visit home and seeing my family without anything hanging over my head!

First catch

I accidently caught a baby last night!!!! It was my first time in all my years of L&D that I had the chance to catch one. I've always had my providers there for the birth because I didn't want the responsibility until I was trained adequately. Well, the other night there was no time! When you are grand multip pushing with her smallest baby yet, all you have time to do is catch! There was no head molding or anything. It was one of the MOST amazing moments in my life. What awesomeness it is to be holding someone while they took their first birth!!! I still can't find the right adjective to describe how I felt. Euphoric. Exhilarating.

It solidified to me how excited I am about my career in midwifery. I know I definitely made the right choice!! Can't wait til the next one :)

Nice patients

It is SO VERY nice and refreshing to have nice patients who profusely thank you for your help when you just do what you typically do. It makes you remember why you do this. Not that I think that people need to stop and worship you for being their nice but it is nice for them to express gratitude!

I had not one but TWO patients like this last night. It was a great night!

Makes me so happy! Vaginal deliveries on both. YAY! :)

Midpoint

I can't believe that I'm at the midpoint of this semester!!! Time is flying. I keep thinking about where I'll be at this time in 2 years for my integration. I will have caught multiple babies by this point and that just excites me about the possibilities to come!!!!!

Work has been really good and extremely busy. I've had some really great births and interesting experiences. As much as tertiary care is interventional and I love my low risk normal patients, I do appreciate the experiences I am gaining.

I am looking forward to the holidays so much. I don't remember the last time I was so excited to spend time with my family and just enjoy the togetherness... Cannot wait!!!

Why?!

Why come to the hospital for bleeding if you plan on refusing fetal monitoring? Why argue with every intervention we recommend and demand different ones? Why go to a clinic where you don't like the doctors and want different ones? Why complain about the size of the cups you requested? Why refuse to go home if you don't want our help? Why must you demand to be induced at 35 weeks because you don't want to drive the long commute to the hospital? Why pick a hospital that is so far away? WHY?!?!

It's so frustrating when people come in with their list of demands of what they want for interventions but without the interventions that come with the interventions you want?! For example, pitocin induction without fetal monitoring because you are bleeding so heavily that you are worried you or the baby will die?

Death

I'm seeing way too much death and glimpses of it than should be allowed when working labor and delivery. Tragedy. It call all be summed up in that one word. Childbirth is supposed to be such a happy time and it kind of irritates me, actually REALLY irritates me that people think I'm so lucky to work on L&D and just have happiness all the time! I want to be like, SERIOUSLY, are you THAT naive?!?! You just never know how things will turn out even when there is no expectation of it coming. Complete unpredictability.

Hoping it starts to look better soon.

Night shift...

What to do?!?! What to do?!?!?!

I'm working night shift right now and I hate the effects it leaves on you. It wrecks havoc on your body! The exhaustion. The insomnia. The obsession with sleep.

However, there are certain things that I love about it and that make it worth it. The people. The teamwork. The atmosphere.

There are some day shift positions becoming available that I am interested in but I am so conflicted on this because I feel like I've finally found my spot on the unit. I finally know the people and feel like they know me. They are a great group to work with. I also feel like you can learn more at night because there isn't as busy of an atmosphere. I'm not saying that it's not busy but that it's not the day time craziness that ensues.

But when I cannot sleep at 3AM, I desperately want a day shift position. Especially after I was on days for 2.5 years after doing nights prior to that for 3.5 years. I learned so much on nights during that time and I'm learning so much again.

Part of me wants to stay on nights until the fall semester of next year when I gain some seniority or when more nurses leave. Advantages to working in a teaching facility with an excellent graduate nursing school - the turnover is awesome! You move up the seniority relatively quickly - total bonus! Plus, I would like to save some extra money that comes with working nights. It really does add up. What would really be great would be to drop 1 night shift in my pay period and work less!

Part of what keeps me going is knowing that this is short term. I also realize that I will have to work nights as part of being a CNM. The CNMs that work nights here love working nights and are truly amazing! I really love working with them.

I'm definitely liking the hospital better. I think it was a shock in coming here with how they do things but the experiences I'm getting and the knowledge I'm gaining is fantastic. I know I probably won't be doing as high risk stuff as I'm doing now when I'm a CNM but it's definitely great right now!

So I guess, all in all, I'll probably stick it out for the time being and keep my eyes set on the goal. I know time will go by fast. It already is, we're almost half way through this first semester!!!